Fuck old school self-care. There is a new witch on the block. A cup of tea, a crystal here and there, a spell and a capsule taken with a glass of water can change your life, balance your energy and heal your aura and make you perform some magic shit. 

We are absolutely done with the days of old school self-care in the form of fizz balls, drinking wine and reading Glamour magazine in the bath, to the point we are ready to say. ” fuck you old school self-care!” Move over. Buckle yourself and let me take you on a rollercoaster ride of new ideas and concepts that will rock your world in the two minutes it is going to take you to read this. 

A witchy, awesome and fulfilling self-care routine is something that encompasses all the elements of magick. Some energy work, some divine intervention, some elements of the moon and most important- spiritual connection and healing. You deserve adding magickal elements that will leave you recharged, love your fucking self like you should and relaxed. By adding certain elements into your ritual, you can have a closer connection to self, deeper healing and a better understanding of what the fuck is going on. 

So… What is “Magick”?

You saw that, right? I did not lose my ability to spell overnight and I am not an inventor of new words. Not yet. 

Magick is the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity in the will. The science of understanding oneself and one’s conditions. It is the art of applying that understanding in action” – Aleister Crowley. This genius who lived in the 1800s used this spelling to differentiate magic where you mess around with cards or pull a coin from behind someone’s ear and REAL MAGICK where it is about “the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with Will.”  It is not a gimmick or evil or something only enlightened souls can achieve. It is for everyone. But enough of the boring shit. Let’s move on to the part why you are here reading this. 

Here are some tricks (see what I did there?) for you to achieve the most out of your self-love rituals and ways to say fuck you old school self-care!

Explore what you are drawn to and leave the rest. Not everyone’s routines are the same and it nor should it be. Be true to your higher self. What does higher self wants and needs at this specific point in time in a universe so big? You should customize your routine and rituals to satisfy YOUR needs. 

  1. Masculine and Feminine energies and working with the moon

I first discovered the divine feminine while looking into Chinese acupuncture and traditional medicine theory. It is called “The Greater Yin” and refers to the feminine energies that we possess and “The Greater Yan to the male energies we possess. For most of us life is already a balancing act of the shit show that we find ourselves in lately, but these energies can be balanced on various ways. And here is an easy way of doing it. The Harmony smoke blend is carefully formulated in a witchy and science-y way to work on the energies in your body, balancing your Chakras, healing you from the inside out. Bringing harmony where you most need it. During the full moon most people feel unbalanced and tensions are running high. So unfuck yourself and smoke a Harmony rollie. You might just feel so good, that you don’t need any additional shit to add. 

  • Crystal energy healing 

Crystals are trendy little fuckers right now and everybody wants a piece of them. I have actually spotted them at a retail store the other day, basking in the not so glorious fluorescent light and Boney- M Christmas music (I was like WTF people, it’s only October!)

They are more than trendy little décor items. They are one of Gaia’s most precious gifts to our mere mortal souls as they are healing and grounding. They are particularly helpful when struggling with anxiety and when you are feeling sommer just kak. I mainly use crystals in my own little unfucking myself sessions to open my Chakras and to provide healing womb energy monthly. (More on that one day)

Here is some cool stones to start of with and to incorporate in your rituals:

  • Hematite: A grounding stone 
  • Amethyst: For bringing you clarity, opening your eyes to bullshit that’s going on that you fail to see and to help you calm down. Literally. 
  • Rose Quartz: Need some love? Get out you rose quartz. It is the stone of love and it will evoke feelings of warmth and acceptance. Surround yourself with them. I personally find that they work particularly well with people who suffered abuse and trauma. It restores, balances and brings love closer. 
  • Black Tourmaline: For keeping darkness and fuckery away from you. It serves and protects like the Paw Patrol characters. Hang one around your neck, place it at your gate and see just what it will keep away from you. Trust me, you will be amazed! In ancient times wizards used Black Tourmaline to ward off demons after they cast a spell. But don’t be like those wizards, keep on the right side of the spiritual world and play nicely in the light.
  • Selenite: This is to connect with your Higher Power, Spiritual Guides and your Higher Self. It helps to lift energy and opens up the pathway for higher communication. It is like super-fast fibre to connect you to the other side. 
  • Lepidolite: Use this stone if you need to get your ass out of a rut, when you need to make some changes and when you going through changes in your life. Change is GOOD, except when it is menopause with hot flushes. Embrace change with Lepidolite around your arm or nested in your pocket. Be fearless. Be unstoppable. Be open and magical.
  • Jade: Jade purifies, and it will support your heart and heart energy. The heart Chakra can be balanced by Jade.  It is a dream stone, a growth crystal and the abundance stone. Like seriously, what’s not to love? Get yourself some Jade. No jokes. 
  • Moonstone: Want a new beginning? Give some love to your moonstone. Let mommy moonstone guide you with her enchantment to a new way of thinking, a fresh start and the new dawn you are longing for.

Cool. So now you know what to do. 

  • Energy work and putting what you want into the universe. 

So listen up buttercup, the best way to make things happen in life is to be absolutely positive about it, affirm it and believe in it. It is basic common sense-  the Law of Attraction. The best gift you can give yourself is learning just how to work with energy. It is not standing outside stirring a pot filled with the blood of your enemies, one tear of a unicorn and then two frogs left thumbs. NO! It is to put your intention OUT THERE. This is a concept not understood by many. Spells and prayers are simple intentions, and intentions are the backbone of manifestation, simple as that. No fuckery. No pulling rabbits out of a hat. Just that. 

Working with energy is like utilizing the Law of Attraction to your benefit. You alone can decide what you allow in your life and what you want. You know the desires of your heart and what your soul craves. 

So… This is what you do: You decide what you want in your life, you visualize it and feel it into existence. You call it to life. This is also the power behind moon manifestations and the power behind it.. 

Here is a I-am-not-fucking-around way of casting a spell if that is what you in to: 

  • Be very clear about what you want. And I mean CLEAR. Write it down.
  • Visualize what you want. See it happening in the way you want it, and feel the excitement/ joy that you will feel when this comes in fruition. 
  • Most spell works asks for a ritual. Light a candle. Burn some incense and say thank you. 

What are you waiting for? Get going and get the life YOU want. But just a word of caution- what you put out there will come back. It is beyond stupid (and did I mentioned fucked up?) to wish ill and to cast a dark spell on any person for any reason whatsoever. Firstly, you will fuck up your Karma good and solidly and whatever shit you put out there will multiply and fuck you over tenfold when you least expect it. Be a good human being and don’t be a doos. Plain and simple. 

  • Taking care of your temple 

Your body is a temple. It is sacred and it only deserves the best. It should be a clean space that will house a happy and grateful spirit. A lot has been written about nutrition and the effects that have on your mental and emotional states. But sometimes life gets in the way of us doing what is best for ourselves, so I am going to give you a rundown of products I absolutely swear by that you can incorporate every day to restore balance, revive your soul, cleanse your body and will enable you to have fucking mind-blowing sex. Think I’m joking? Trust me, I am not. So how are you going to say Fuck old school self-care? Here is how…

  1. Calm Caps for when your world is less than rose coloured and the daily stress of being a human being is taking its toll. When you feel out of control and ready to fuck shit up. Don’t. Grap your Calm Caps, breathe and let those little angels work their magic and feel the calm wash over you. 
  2. Happy Caps to ensure that you happy as fuck and that you are living your best life. Life should be filled full of awesomeness, happiness and just in general good shit. Live the fuck out of life. Do it with some happy soldiers running through your veins boosting your endorphins and making you feel like a million bucks. 
  3. Sexy Time Caps to give your libido a boost, and to turn you into the sex god/ goddess you are meant to be. Life is way too short to have a kak sex life. Seriously. Take your caps and be prepared for the time of your life. Who needs Tantra if you can have Sexy Time Caps? 
  4. Aura Cleansing Tea for when you need to balance and cleanse your aura after working with Satan’s spawn the whole day (Perfect for people who work with people) 
  5. Euphoric Smoke Blend and the ever so famous Party Caps when you need to feel. When you need your senses heightened, your blood rushing and when you want to feel ALIVE, AWAKENED AND LIT. When nothing but the best herbal high will do. No damage done. Promise! 
  6. Sleep Caps and the Dream Smoke Blend when life is a bitch and you can’t sleep. We all need our beauty sleep. You can alternate between the two and get the rest your soul needs. 
  7. Surreal Smoke Blend when dancing around the fire in the moonlight is what you want to do. This blend will blow your mind- literally. It is a nootropic and antidepressant, antistress and mood adaptogen. It is fucking awesomeness in a smokable form. 

My life has felt much more magical and meaningful since incorporating these elements in my life and into my daily look -after- myself routine. And that is why I am saying Fuck old school self-care! don’t consider them “witchy” even though I joke about it. I consider this daily maintenance and a sure way to ensure that my mind, body and soul gets only the best. It helps me to have a deeper connection to myself, my environment and my beliefs. 

To help you figure out what is best for YOU, pop into the shop Wednesdays to Sundays 10:00 to 15:00. Sprinkle some magick on your life and un-fuck yourself, the Herbology way. 

Fuck old school self-care. There is a new witch on the block